The Local Police Blotter

Unless there's some major big story on the front page, or a chance that my younguns picture might be in the School page, the first place I turn to in our local weekly is the Sheriff's Report where the daily calls are published.
Most times it's painfully dull. Cows loose on the road, neighbors dog barking, etc. But there are times when it's either rather funny or a little creepy, since, just like Sgt. Joe Friday, they give just the facts and are often just vague enough to make you wonder.
So, without further adeiu, here's some items of note from the lastest edition:

Mar. 27th, 2 pm --- Report of a lost cell phone.
(what did they want the deputy to do? Come and help 'em look for it?)

Mar. 28th, 7:06 pm -- Suspicious Incident (always a good catch-all phrase. It then goes on to list all the deputies and the sheriff, officers "from other departments" and finally the local ambulance service- Holy Cow! Wonder what that was all about?!)

Mar. 30th, 12:07 am -- Female caller reported she had married a man and discovered he was still married to someone else.
( being so close to the Arkansas stateline, one can't help but wonder if the "someone else" was the guys half sister. Also note the timestamp...can you say 'weepy drunk'?- "Ah wancha ta come down chere an' arress him, Ossifer! *sob-sniff-snivel* He dun LIED ta me!")

Mar. 31st, 10:18 pm --Suspicious vehicle. Truck with parking lights on only, someone walking around truck with a flashlight, someone screaming. Deputies responded. One person arrested on warrant.
(Ooooh, now that one had the potential to be a future movie of the week. But on the other hand it could have been some dumb SOB broke down and his ol' lady chewing him out from the passenger side.)