WTR's Letter to Santa
Dear Santa,
I've really, really tried to be good this year. I'm sure that the 2 or 4 times that I went off on the kids this year can be excused as severe stress. Besides, they had pushed me as far as I could take it. But you know all about that-I'm sure you have adjusted their gift list accordingly. I, myself, am wishing them nothing but coal after that row in the car a couple of months back that forced me to pull over the car and insist that they both get out and walk home if they were going to behave like that! It about put the car in a ditch!
But I digress-
Anyway, Santy Claus, my Christmas wish this year is purely selfish, but necessary. I don't want money (although it can't hurt!) a laptop is pointless, as is an MP3 player and world peace is sooo cliche'.
What I really want Santa are only 2 things:
Steve Watson and Ty Pennington.
Between the two of them and myself we should be able to get this dump of a house whipped into shape in no time! Probably less than a week!
I don't need the RV full of emotionally overwrought metrosexuals that seem to follow Ty whereever he goes, so don't worry about them, I just need Ty and his toolbelt. I ain't wanting my house to make Better Homes and Gardens with fruity decor and this seasons "colors"...I just want the damn lights to work and the roof not to leak. I'm overwhelmed, Santy-I need some guys here, pronto! I'll even spring for the beer.
I'm sure you can pull this off Santy, just so's there's no mistake I've included pictures of them. Please don't dump Bob Villa or that butchy fruit, Eric Stromer on my doorstep-I want these guys!
If Ty can't make it cuz he's got too big for his baggy drawers and is too busy, I'd settle for Steve, he's more my kinda guy, anyway.
P. S.-Some new flannel 'jammies would be nice, too.
I've really, really tried to be good this year. I'm sure that the 2 or 4 times that I went off on the kids this year can be excused as severe stress. Besides, they had pushed me as far as I could take it. But you know all about that-I'm sure you have adjusted their gift list accordingly. I, myself, am wishing them nothing but coal after that row in the car a couple of months back that forced me to pull over the car and insist that they both get out and walk home if they were going to behave like that! It about put the car in a ditch!
But I digress-
Anyway, Santy Claus, my Christmas wish this year is purely selfish, but necessary. I don't want money (although it can't hurt!) a laptop is pointless, as is an MP3 player and world peace is sooo cliche'.
What I really want Santa are only 2 things:
Steve Watson and Ty Pennington.
Between the two of them and myself we should be able to get this dump of a house whipped into shape in no time! Probably less than a week!
I don't need the RV full of emotionally overwrought metrosexuals that seem to follow Ty whereever he goes, so don't worry about them, I just need Ty and his toolbelt. I ain't wanting my house to make Better Homes and Gardens with fruity decor and this seasons "colors"...I just want the damn lights to work and the roof not to leak. I'm overwhelmed, Santy-I need some guys here, pronto! I'll even spring for the beer.
I'm sure you can pull this off Santy, just so's there's no mistake I've included pictures of them. Please don't dump Bob Villa or that butchy fruit, Eric Stromer on my doorstep-I want these guys!
If Ty can't make it cuz he's got too big for his baggy drawers and is too busy, I'd settle for Steve, he's more my kinda guy, anyway.
P. S.-Some new flannel 'jammies would be nice, too.
posted by white trash republican at Monday, December 11, 2006
4 Comments:
I don't know who they are but they don't look like Hollywood girlie-boys. I hope you get both of them AND some new jammies - but you may not need those if you get them.
Well Mam...when I first read yur Christmas desires, my first thought was (cause I must be a "Dirty Old Man) was that y'all had a "manage' et trois" in mind. Bad Cookie! Bad Bad Bad Cookie!... ;-)
when you first said "who" you wanted for Christmas, I thought "wow" "WOW"
and then you brought me back down to earth when you pointed out your 'honey-do' list.
Why, you naughty people! THAT kinda of stuff was the farthest thing from my po' ol' noggin!
Jeez, I've been trying for MONTHS to get some local guys out here to do some work on this shack that I can't do and since I'm getting nowhere, I figured I'd just go for broke and ask for the moon.
Just one competant man with a toolbelt that won't slice his hand off in the table saw is all I'm asking for!
Patrick...I expected the girlyman remark. : ) These guys are the hunks du jour in the DIY shows lately.
Ty has gone Hollywood since Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. But Watson seems to still be normal, relatively speaking. I'm fond of him...he looks and sounds alot like my Bill.
I would just like to have lights in this house by spring!
Sorry, no wild sex in the working class here.
Jeez....
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