The Mark of the Beasts (Or Why the NAIS is WRONG!)

MAJOR UPDATE:
As a last piece of business this past Friday (3-24-06), our state Senate grew a spine and passed this:

SENATE CONCURRENT RESOLUTION NO. 31

"WHEREAS, Missouri's long-standing agriculture tradition continues to thrive and
contribute to our economy and to our families; and
WHEREAS, the state of Missouri has maintained a robust and lucrative agriculture
culture, frequently ranking in the top ten among states with regard to the number of
operating farms, hay, cotton, and corn production, cattle, hog and turkey production,
and more; and
WHEREAS, the economic benefits from these agricultural operations are profoundly
important to our communities, to our state, and to our nation; and
WHEREAS the farm family is the backbone of our state, as we, a legislative body,
do swear to uphold and promote our farming community and protect the freedoms we
share; and
WHEREAS, with the introduction of the Missouri Animal ID Program, a coordinated
effort between the Missouri Department of Agriculture and the United States Department
of Agriculture (USDA), the issues of food security and personal freedom became a
reality for Missouri agriculture producers; and
WHEREAS, the USDA National Animal Identification System (NAIS) is currently and
should remain a voluntary program with regard to animal identification programs and
marketing practices:
NOW THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED that the members of the Missouri Senate, Ninety-
Third General Assembly, Second Regular Session, the House of Representatives
concurring therein, hereby urge the United States Department of Agriculture to
continue the National Animal Identification System program as a voluntary program to
allow agricultural families to direct their own future; and
BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED that the Secretary of the Missouri Senate be instructed
to prepare properly inscribed copies of this resolution for the United States
Department of Agriculture and the Missouri Department of Agriculture."

Personally, I would like to see it not even stay at "voluntary" status. I'd rather it just go away completely, but resolving it to that status is the compromise that the states seem to be taking. We can live with that...for now.
BUT just because my homeys got their minds right on this doesn't mean I'm gonna hush about it. There's still a whole country out there that's under the gun...this is but a mere skirmish.
All the below still applies!
------------------------------------------------



Below is a copy of an email a good friend sent me about the USDA's latest scheme to "safeguard our food supply".

Yes, the nation's food supply should be more closely guarded to prevent contamination by terrorists and disease, BUT IS THIS THE WAY TO DO IT?!!
I'm not one to go off on harebrained conspiracy theories, but folks, this plan scares the beejeezuz outta me! Y'all remember what they tried to do with firearms?

Same deal here...only worse...much, much worse. If you think that just cuz you live in the big city and don't raise a calf or 2 for the freezer, this doesn't pertain to you YOU ARE DEAD WRONG. This has got to be the most grandest highjacking of our rights to live independant and free-- EVER. You city slickers will pay the price as well, in the form of higher food costs, overall. This deal just plain sucks!
Take time to read this and y'all will see what I mean...( I've highlighted the more uh, interesting points.) Just remember that ol' story about how to cook a frog in a pot of boiling water...




WESTON A. PRICE FOUNDATION
INFORMATION ALERT
March 20, 2006

I am forwarding to you an article I wrote for the upcoming Wise Traditions Journal (Winter 2005/Spring 2006) on the National Animal Identication System (NAIS). There has been an extraordinary amount of interest in this USDA instituted program. So, I thought it prudent to provide a heads up before the Journal was sent to you(currently being printed in a new format with a flat binding). The Foundation is working closely with member Judith McGeary in Texas and Mary Zanoni (Farm for Life) in New York as well as others on this very critical issue. At the end of the article is a list of resources for voicing your opinion on NAIS.




THE NATIONAL ANIMAL IDENTIFICATION SYSTEM (NAIS)

by Bill Sanda, Executive Director

The development of the National Animal Identification System (NAIS) by the U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) has created enormous controversy across the country over the past year. Some see such a system as a means to track and identify outbreaks in livestock of various diseases such as brucellosis, E. coli variants, salmonella and mad cow disease in a quick and efficient manner, while others see this as an encroachment on their civil liberties and privacy as well as an attempt to seal the fate of small- to moderate-sized farms and ranches.

CORPORATE SUPPORT
NAIS has been gaining support in agribusiness as a method for sourcing the origins of mad cow disease or possible terrorist biological attacks on U.S. livestock. Opponents point out the plan was drawn up by corporations like Monsanto, the National Pork Producers, National Cattlemens Beef Association, and Cargill Meat. It would require all owners of even a single farm animal to register their home with a national tracking system, including global positioning coordinates (for satellite tracking) and implant or tag every animal with a radio frequency device (RFID). Large-scale livestock producers say NAIS would help them control outbreaks of disease by allowing individual animals to be tracked to their origins. Small-scale farmers say the registration fees, RFID expenses and administrative bureaucracy of the system would drive them out of business.

According to the timelines presented in USDA's NAIS website, the program is to be implemented in full by January 2009 with premise registration and animal identification mandatory by January 2008. However, according to NAIS head Neil Hammerschmidt, the implementation dates may be delayed.

WHAT IS NAIS?

The National Animal Identification System, which the USDA is currently in the process of implementing, is intended to identify animals and poultry and record their movements over the course of their lifespans, as well as track them as they come into contact with, or commingle with, animals other than herd mates from their premises of origin. According to the USDA, the ultimate goal of the program is to create a uniform national animal tracking system that will help maintain the health of U.S. herds and flocks. By January 2009, when the program is intended to be fully implemented and become fully mandatory, the USDA expects that NAIS will be able to identify all premises and animals that have had direct contact with a foreign animal disease or a domestic disease of concern within 48 hours of discovery.

Currently, working groups comprised of industry and government representatives are developing plans for cattle, pigs, sheep, goats, horses, poultry, bison, deer, elk, llamas and alpacas. Many of these animals can already be identified through some sort of identification system, but these systems are not consistent across the country, according to the USDA.

NAIS began to take shape in April, 2002 when the National Institute for Animal Agriculture (NIAA) established a task force to create an animal identification plan. USDA's Animal and Plant Health Inspection Service (APHIS) and over 30 livestock organizations participated in this task force. The final report was presented at the United States Animal Health Association's (USAHA) annual meeting in October, 2002, where the work plan was accepted through a unanimous resolution. APHIS then established the National Identification Development Team (NIDT), a joint state, federal and industry group to further advance this effort. Throughout 2003, the NIDT, consisting of approximately 100 animal and livestock industry professionals representing more than 70 associations, organizations, and government agencies, expanded upon the work plan to produce the initial draft of the U.S. Animal Identification Plan (USAIP). Although early versions of the USAIP focused on food animals only, other livestock species (such as alpacas, llamas, and horses) were incorporated into the plan. In April 2004, the USDA announced the framework for implementing the NAIS.

IMPLEMENTATION

The first step in implementing the NAIS is identifying and registering premises that house animals. Such premises would include locations where livestock and poultry are managed, marketed or exhibited. States implemented the capability to register premises according to the national standards last year. APHIS is currently training state officials on how to use a standardized premises registration system. USDA is also evaluating alternative registration systems that states or others have developed and want to use, to ensure these systems meet the national standards. In addition, USDA is working with states and industry to "educate" the public about the NAIS.

As premises are registered, another component of the NAIS-animal identification-will be integrated into the system. Unique animal identification numbers (AINs) will be issued to individually identified premises. In the case of animals that move in groups through the production chain-such as pigs and poultry-the group will be identified through a group/lot identification number (Group/Lot IDs). USDA is developing the standards for collecting and reporting information, but industry will determine which type of identification method works best for each species. These methods could include radio frequency identification tags, retinal scans, DNA or others. As long as the necessary data are sent to USDA's information repositories in a standardized form, it will be accepted.

As premises are registered and animals or groups of animals are identified based on the standard protocols, USDA will begin collecting information about animal movements from one premise to another. With an animal tracking system in place, USDA says they will be able to perform rapid tracebacks in case of an animal disease outbreak. As envisioned, only federal, state, and tribal animal health authorities would have direct access to the national premises and animal identification information repositories.

Interestingly, the National Cattlemens Beef Association attempted to have the "national database" privatized and put under their control. Tam Moore of Capital Press, January 27, 2006, reported that the USDA has dropped a 6-month-old plan for contracting with a privatized central database to launch the cattle segment of ID. Agriculture Secretary Mike Johanns had announced the single privatized concept back in July 2005. The Ranchers-Cattlemen Action Legal Fund (R-CALF), United Stockgrowers of America and other ID critics questioned USDA's intention to concentrate the data with a system the National Cattlemen's Beef Association organized, then spun off as a free-standing nonprofit organization, the U.S. Animal Identification Organization. Instead of a single, private database, USDA, state and tribal animal health agencies will use multiple databases, relying on those who contract with the USDA to furnish livestock tracking information.

Much of the responsibility for delivering the program remains at the state level. Stages of development will allow states to more readily establish their local action items, according to the USDA. To determine what your state is doing with regards to NAIS, please go to http://en.groundspring.org

CONFIDENTIALITY

The NAIS is supposed to contain only information that animal health officials need to track suspect animals and identify any other animals that may have been exposed to a disease. Animal identification and tracking systems maintained by the states or regional alliances will be an integral part of the overall NAIS information infrastructure. The state and regional systems will be able to collect and maintain more information than is required for the NAIS, yet only the required data need to be available for the national animal records repository. According to the USDA, to help assure participants that the information will be used only for animal health purposes, the information will be confidential and USDA and its state partners are to work to protect data confidentiality.

KEY NAIS MILESTONES

APRIL, 2005: The USDA issued its Draft Strategic Plan & Draft Program Standards for public comment, which ended in July of 2005

JULY, 2005: All states capable of premises registration
JULY, 2005: Animal Identification Number system operational.

The following dates may be delayed according to the USDA. Updates have yet to be issued.

JULY, 2006 : The target date for the USDA to issue a proposed rule setting forth the requirements for NAIS premises registration, animal identification, and animal tracking. There will be a limited public comment period after publication of the rule (WAPF will issue an Action Alert when the comment period occurs).

APRIL, 2007: Premises registration and animal identification "alerts."

FALL, 2007: USDA will publish a final rule to establish the requirements of the mandatory NAIS.

JANUARY, 2008: Premises registration and animal identification become mandatory.

JANUARY, 2009: Animal tracking becomes mandatory, including enforcement of the reporting of all animal movements.

For more information about the NAIS, contact:
Neil Hammerschmidt
USDA, APHIS, Veterinary Services
4700 River Road, Unit 43
Riverdale, MD 20737-1231
Telephone (301) 734-5571
Website


SO, WHY WOULD YOU OPPOSE NAIS?

Perhaps the most eloquent opponent of NAIS is Mary Zanoni, PhD, JD, executive director of Farm for LifeTM and a New York lawyer. I have consolidated her opposition statements so you can get a sense of what folks find intrusive, disturbing and negative about NAIS.

* In general, opponents of NAIS say that the program will drive small producers out of the market, will make people abandon raising animals for their own food, will invade Americans' personal privacy to a degree never before tolerated, will violate the religious freedom of Americans whose beliefs make it impossible for them to comply, and will erase the last vestiges of animal welfare from the production of animal foods.



* Every person who owns even one horse, cow, pig, chicken, sheep, or virtually any livestock animal, will be forced to register his or her home, including owner's name, address and telephone number, and then be keyed to global positioning system (GPS) coordinates for satellite monitoring in a giant federal database under a 7-digit "premises ID number."



* Every animal will be assigned a 15-digit ID number, also to be kept in a giant federal database. The form of ID will most likely be a tag or microchip containing a Radio Frequency Identification Device (RFID), designed to be read from a distance. The plan may also include collecting the DNA and/or a retinal scan of every animal.




* The owner will be required to report the birthdate of an animal, the application of every animal's ID tag, every time an animal leaves or enters the property, every time an animal loses a tag, every time a tag is replaced, the slaughter or death of an animal, or whether any animal is missing. Such events must be reported within 24 hours.



* Third parties, such as veterinarians, will be required to report "sightings" of animals. In other words, if you call a vet to your property to treat your horse, cow or any other animal, and the vet finds any animal without the mandatory 15-digit computer-readable ID, the vet may be required to report you. If you do not comply, the USDA will exercise "enforcement" against you. The USDA has not yet specified the nature of "enforcement," but presumably it will include imposing fines and/or seizing your animals. The plan permits no exceptions-under the USDA plan, you will be forced to register and report even if you raise animals only for your own food or keep horses for draft or for transportation.



* Eradication of Small Farms-people with just a few meat animals or 40-cow dairies are already living on the edge financially. The USDA plan will force many of them to give up farming.


* Loss of the True Security of Organic and Local Foods-The NAIS is touted by the USDA and agricorporations as a way to make our food supply "secure" against diseases or terrorism. However, most people instinctively understand the fact that real food security comes from raising food yourself or buying from a local farmer you actually know. The USDA plan will only kill off more local sources of production and further promote the giant industrial methods which cause many food safety and disease problems.


* Extreme Damage to Personal Privacy-legally, livestock animals are a form of personal property. It is unprecedented for the United States government to conduct large-scale computer-aided surveillance of its citizens simply because they own a common type of property. (The only exceptions are registration of motor vehicles and guns, due to their clear inherent dangers, but they are registered at the state level, not by the federal government.) The NAIS would actually subject the owner of a chicken to far more surveillance than the owner of a gun.


* Insult to Animal Welfare-the NAIS is the ultimate objectification of higher, sensitive living creatures, treating individual animals as though they were cans of peas with a bar code. Many people who raise their own animals or buy from small, local producers do so because they are very troubled by industrial-scale production of chickens, cattle and pigs. These people will be forced to either sacrifice their personal privacy to government surveillance, or to stop raising their own food by humane standards.


* Burden on Religious Freedom-many adherents of plain (and other) faiths raise their own food animals and use animals in farming and transportation because their beliefs require them to live this way. Such people obviously cannot comply with the USDA's computerized, technology-dependent system. The NAIS will force these people to violate their religious beliefs. (The Amish are very much against this program).


NAIS AND YOUR CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS

FIRST AMENDMENT: The first amendment of the Bill of Rights guarantees Americans the right to the free exercise of religion. Many Christians and person of other religious beliefs cannot comply with the NAIS because it violates the free exercise of their religious beliefs. For example, the Old Order Amish believe they are prohibited from registering their farms or animals in the proposed program due to scriptural prohibitions. Other simply hold that NAIS violates their personal beliefs-you do not need to belong to an established religion to exercise your first amendment rights.


FOURTH AMENDMENT: The fourth amendment guarantees the right to privacy and security against unreasonable searches and seizures. The requirement of households and small farms that own animals to register the premises so that the Department can subject these premises to satellite surveillance is a clear violation of the Fourth Amendment.


FIFTH AMENDMENT: The fifth amendment guarantees protection against the loss of life, liberty or private property without due process of law. The NAIS allows the Department of Agriculture to seize privately owned animals without due process.


FOURTEENTH AMENDMENT: No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of US citizens nor deprive them of life, liberty or property without due process of law. Much of the "authority" for NAIS will come through legislation on the state level.



Whether or not the USDA delays the implementation of a national, mandatory system, many states are actively implementing their own mandatory premise and animal identification systems. Wisconsin and North Carolina have passed legislation for mandatory premises registration and Indiana has adopted regulations for mandatory premise registration beginning in September. Legislation is pending in Texas. To check on what is happening in your state, visit http://en.groundspring.org

Clothed in the garb of public safety, NAIS is shaping up to be a very dangerous fox in the backyard henhouse.

BATTLEGROUND TEXAS

Texas is shaping up to be the first battleground state for NAIS. In Wisconsin and North Carolina, NAIS legislation passed without any public scrutiny.

However, in Texas, in response to proposed regulations from the Texas Animal Health Commission to require every person who owns even one livestock animal to register their premises with the state, Texas farmers, ranchers, companion-animal owners, and consumers rallied in opposition. They sent in almost 700 letters during the Commission's 45-day comment period, and over 200 people showed up to the Commission's public meeting on February 16.

Although the public pressure convinced the Commission to table the regulations until their next meeting in May, the real work has just begun. We still have to gain support in the legislature, or the Commission will move forward with the regulations.

A group of Texans are in the process of establishing a new non-profit to lobbing oorganization on behalf of small farmers in Texas. The first target will be the Texas Legislature but the organizations plans to operate on a national level to put a stop to NAIS.

The Texas Organic Farmers and Gardeners Association is serving as an information clearinghouse at this point, so please check their website for progress on the new entity and information on how you can help. Or email txnonais@att.net


RESOURCES FOR OPPOSING NAIS

* FARM for LIFE TM is a public-interest organization dedicated to supporting the rights of small and subsistence farmers and consumers of organic, natural, and local foods. FARM for LIFE's first project is to stop the USDA plan for mandatory animal ID. The organization will publish a newsletter three times a year (first publication scheduled for November 1, 2005), to inform citizens of developments concerning animal ID and other issues vital to the small farming and natural/organic food communities. Newsletter subscribers will also be sent information at appropriate times on how to contact lawmakers and the USDA to oppose animal ID. In addition, FARM for LIFE will coordinate with other existing interest groups to mount an effective campaign against animal ID. Please help stop animal ID and support FARM for LIFE by subscribing to the newsletter: $25 individual subscription (1 year), $40 institutional subscription (1 year). Please help with an additional donation in any amount. Make your check payable to "Farm for Life" and mail to: Farm for Life, PO Box 501, Canton, New York 13617. For further information email: mlz@slic.com.

* Articles by Mary Zanoni, Ph.D. (Cornell), J.D. (Yale), Executive Director of Farm for LifeTM: "Why You Should Oppose the USDA's Mandatory Property and Animal Surveillance Program" and "Comments on NAIS Draft Program Standards and Draft Strategic Plan"

* Stop Animal ID.org: Online grassroots organization created to stop NAIS; their website includes information on what you can do to oppose NAIS

* Organic Consumers Association (OCA)

* No NAIS.org: Walter Jeffries, Sugar Mountain Farm, Vermont

* National Property Owners Association:

* American Poultry Association: Preserve Your Rights as a Poultry Fancier

* Free Tennessee:

* The Petition Site.com: Anti-NAIS petition

* The "National Animal Identification System": A new threat to rural freedom?

* National Animal ID Run Amok

* The Texas Organic Farmers and Gardeners Association:

As more information on the progress of NAIS becomes available, we will keep you informed through the Weston A. Price Foundation e-mail Action Alerts.

Likewise, if you have any information about what is going on in your state, please let us know at bsanda@westonaprice.org.

Specshual Noteis from the WTR

We will be shutting down for about a week, whilst I head to the coast for my Ma's memorial and to tidy up some family business.
I got about a gazillion things on my To-Do list today, so I must be going.
Y'all behave yourselves.
See ya in about 5 or 6.

Dear PETA,

Please come to the Ozarks! Oh please, Oh please! We have many truckloads of "open minded" individuals who would love to be enlightened by your infinite insight into the 'ethical treatment' of all critters great and small...yeahhhhhhh, ri-ight!
Those prissy pants metros wouldn't last 5 minutes at a REAL working hog farm!
This has gone way beyond ridiculous...

Castration of Live Pig at Central Calif. School Ignites Protests

The Associated Press

ROSAMOND, Calif. (AP) - "A teacher who castrated a live pig in front of her high school class is the target of protests by animal rights activists throughout the country.

The protests began after People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals posted information about the incident at Rosamond High School on its Web site last month. The posting does not say when the castration occurred.


"We're concerned not only because animals suffer during these routine castrations but also because of the message it sends to students who are still forming opinions about treatment of animals in our society," said Stephanie Bell, a PETA cruelty case worker.
(I'm sure by high school most have formed an opinion that bacon is mighty tasty!)


Rod Van Norman, superintendent of the Southern Kern Unified School District School 55 miles northeast of Los Angeles, said animal castrations often occur in agriculture classes and are an important skill for students to learn.
(Comes in handy during divorce proceedings)


"I don't know why they're picking on a little school district," he said.
(Uh, duh...because they can! Simply because you are a small district, dontcha get it? They are bullies, plain and simple.)

Charles Parker, assistant state Future Farmers of America adviser at the California Department of Education, said anesthesia is not normally used during pig castrations, which are done to calm male animals, prevent them from breeding and improve meat quality.

Bell said she hopes the nationwide attention will prompt the school district to reconsider teaching castration."
The whole stupid story here.

Yep, we can't be allowing our younguns to learn a skill like this! Good grief, they might actually use it where it's needed the most--weasely attorneys and PETA activists!
Just what did they object to specifically? That the piggy was still alive? That said pig was humiliated? That it was just another gruesome example of human beings subjucating and imposing their will upon the lesser creatures of the planet? Oh...I bet I know! It was because the teacher was FEMALE! HeeHeeHee! Yep, the weird analogy didn't get past the braintrust there at PETA.
I'd still like to see 'em pull that crap here in our neck of the woods.

Captain Queeg, Pick Up on Line 8

This Lynn bozo on "24" just keeps getting better and better. First, he pops in, wound 40 times too tight and we all think he's just comic relief. Then he starts trying to throw his weight around CTU. (Think substitute teacher the way everyone else is treating him.) Then he gets mugged by his druggy sister and her pimpy weasel boyfriend-natch they take his security key card. (which begs the question: How the hell did he even get a security clearance in the first place with THAT in his family?) So now he's sweating about the security card AND Jack and his peeps in CTU are working behind his back, along with all the other Major Endoftheworld Crap going on and it's becoming obvious that this clown is having the worst day of his life and we're getting to see him crumble bit by bit! He's trying so hard to keep it together and it just ain't working...the guys gonna snap big time!

The previews went by so fast (as always) but I swear those few nanoseconds of him ungluing completely were straight out of The Caine Mutiny! His breakdown will be rather delicious to witness. Ahhh, screw the nerve gas...I just wanna see Hobbitboy go down in flames!

May I suggest that the drink of choice next week for us fans should be Strawberry Margaritas.

Snow Day Entertainment

So we finally got our first real snow last night. About 5" according to the eyeball-o-meter guessitimate. So since we're cooped up for now I thought I'd get up to speed on some of my favorite blogs.
HOLY COW...man, I don't check in for a few days and and all heck is breakin' loose!
I wouldn't call it a cat fight, per se, even though there are women bloggers involved. Hmmm, maybe more like a very public drunken brawl? (Oh dear, I best be careful how I phrase it!)
Anyway, it's been very amusing to read about and I'm but an innocent bystander just tellin' ya about it. Kinda like tellin' your friends about the semi you saw jackknife on the interstate.

I'll try and give you the links in some chronological order here:
It started with a very, very harsh rant over on the The Rottweiller...and I must admit, in my opinion, Misha went just a dab too far-but that's why we love him! (although some of the obscenities he unleashed made my female side squeamish.)
Then a couple days later Misha reported that the "offended party" was threatening to sue and he apologized, in his own special way.
Well, that wasn't good enough or something and now it just keeps getting weirder.
Even more are feeling the backlash of this: like this guy and this gal.
(And she links to a rather interesting commentary on the whole deal at the bottom of her post, which will in turn get another blogger on the sh*t list!)
I hope I got that all right...that's alot o' links to keep straight!

Anyway...if you got nothing better to do this evening and you're bored... crack open a beverage of your choice and go wander about the trainwreck. Fair warning, however-the language used by some parties involved is most certainly NOT PG!
My opinion? (Not that anyone axed,) but methinks Ms. Deb is just a bit too fond of the phrase "blogging out one's a**."

5:40 am (cst), Feb 17th, 2002

[ Damn! I miss him still...]

I'll Be Expecting a Phone Call from My Kid's Teacher Any Day Now

Tonight my wonderfully bright 6th grader asked me if I could pull up and print out a photo of Va.Governor Tim Kaine. Actually, that's not what she said.
What she really said was "the eyebrow guy".
When asked why, she said it was for a school project and she was making a poster.
All the images I was able to find of the honorable Gov. Kaine weren't "eyebrow-y" enough for her. After that hysterical and yet oddly mezmerizing display following the State of the Union address, (which we all watched as a family and laughed our collective butts off the whole time, although my youngest did have nitemares that night-having to do with voracious, gigantic wooly bears creeping after her) I thought there would be a plethora of unusual pics of this dude. Nope. Free Republic has a real funny animated one-but being a .gif, I wasn't sure it would print out correctly.
I finally found one that met with her criteria. It was from USA Today. And as you can see, it is a horribly unflattering photo! I'm really shocked that USA Today ran that. Gee, Gov, You kinda look like you had a few before the photo-op!

I'm trying to think who he reminds me of...almost like Red Skelton doing his "Gertrude and Hecliff" bit.
Any how, I don't know what she's got up her sleeve, but I'm sure it will involve my lil' darling exercising her free speech.(Gee, is mockery still covered by that? Or did I miss a memo?)

Criswell Predicts!

Cheney was on the grassy knoll.
In the next 48 hours there will be photos proving it leaked to
the World Weekly News.
Bet me!
Bat Boy and Nostradamus were in on it too.

"A Heavily Armed Recluse in the Hillbilly Ecosystem"

Whilst tooling about the blogosphere I managed to pick up a fellow traveller and toss 'em in the back of the pick up truck before peeling out of the Blogs4Bauer web-ring.(sorry about the tire marks and the Busch cans, guys...sh*t happens.)
Anyhow, his blog is Hillbilly White Trash and it's a good read, y'all.

Could this be the start of a vast Empire-reaching from Airstream to shining Airstream- across this mighty fly-over country?
A White Trash Empire,united, could be an awesome force to be reckoned with...as long as you're buying!

Look Ma! I'm Evolving!

Yippee!
I have now gone from being just an Insignificant Microbe to a Multicellular Micro-organism!
"Huh?"
Just click on the TTLB link below the blogger logo on the right. Or if you're just really friggin' lazy, click here

A Big Fat "Toldja So!!!"

I have always been of the opinion that Sodam Insane shipped out the WMD's out to Syria even before we had feet on the ground there in Iraq- I mean c'mon? What do you think he was? Stupid? Well, ok, stupid in some ways, but crazy like a fox in others...especially in this area.
Yesterday I read this column in our local hometown rag by Doug Patton.
Here's a link to the online version, via GOPUSA.Com.

But some how I think not everyone will be thrilled about it.

Seeing a Pattern

Jay at Wizbang has posted some of the more recent Islamic hissy fits I know many of us have noticed!
Here's the bottomline :
"Is there anything more dangerous than a horde of paranoid, sociopathic whackjobs who will believe whatever they are told as long as it will further fuel their rage?

Yup. That same group, used to getting their own way if they kill enough people, burn enough buildings, and threaten death and destruction unless their demands are met."

And Now, A Tender Story of Love and Romance in the Islamic World

Just in time for Valentine's Day! (which they are protesting as well, btw.)
This article brought tears to my eyes...but for all the WRONG reasons.
Read this and then Thank God you were born in a civilized culture! And if you have a special someone that you found ON YOUR OWN then give 'em an extra hug and a smooch today...just because you can!

The Hindenburg, Take 2

OK, screw the flying car. I can live without a flying car. Just let me know when these babies are flying out of SGF Regional!
This is a company that largely specializes in advertising and promotional blimps, but now they're venturing into creating "luxury liner" type airships. Just like the German airship zepplins of yore...but without the pesky explosion factor and probably nicer flight attendants.

Just in Case You Ever Wondered...

...if the Islamic world has their equivalent of our "Jesus' face in a tortilla" or "Mary's image on a badly poured concrete floor"-- then we have the answer for you! This just in!

"THOUSANDS of people flocked to southern Egypt today to seek blessing from a calf they believe was born as God's reply to the publication in Europe of cartoons depicting the prophet, police said.

Some 20,000 thousand people had gathered in front of Mohammed Abu Dif's house in the village of Tunis to see the holy mammal, whose skin folds when he was born reportedly formed the words "There is no God but Allah", a police official said on condition of anonymity.

He said the villagers flocked from all over the southern governorate of Sohag to the farmer's house and had to be dispersed by police, who feared the gathering could get out of control.

Witnesses said they believed the calf was "Allah's response to current attacks against Islam", the official said.

He was referring to the publication in a Danish daily five months ago of cartoons depicting the Prophet Mohammed, which is banned in Islam."

Of course if ya look at the calf upside down, the skin folds read:"Lay off the fermented dates, Dif!"

And at least the story got the timeline about the initial publication right! Yes, it HAS been 5 (!) months. A fact that I think needs to be constantly reiterated.

(thanks to Free Republic for this gem.)

I Want My FATWAH!

I'm officially issuing a fatwah against Dish Network.
These capitalist infidels have commited an aggregious assault against the White Trash Republic and have imposed their yellow dog, cowardly, blasphemous will upon us-the humble peace loving denizens of the WTR.

As you may know last December there was much rejoicing and dancing in the streets here in the Republic when, for no apparent reason whatsoever, our Dish Network subscription dumped MSNBC and gave us Fox News instead. Sadly, I must report that the euphoria was short-lived.
The capitalist running lackey dogs have pulled the plug! Now, not only do we not have MSNBC (praise Bob for that!) but no Fox News as well!
Our only source for news now on the tube is (shudder) CNN!
Why they did this is bizarre at best. I guess they thought they would appease us with the addition of "new" channels at the basic level...that we would be so agogged at the new choices we wouldn't even notice that the little bone they threw at us was gone.

Here's what we got in place of Fox News : WE, the Oxygen Channel and a quirky,low budget outfit called the Documentary Channel.
The first 2 are "chick channels" to the nth. It was bad enough having the dreck of Lifetime corrupting my TV, this crap is just plain insuffable! I may have boobs, but I so ain't the demographic.In my opinion, these networks do NOTHING to elevate the status of women. If anything they just further the stereotype of the bored hausfrau, laying about, eating stale Valentine chocolates and yakking on the phone with their other pathetic 'girlfriends' who are also watching the same damn channel.I ain't sure but I seem to recall hearing that Okrah had something to do with Oxygen...and that makes it even more annoying to me. WE is equally vapid and assinine.

The Documentary Channel sounded promising...afterall, who doesn't enjoy a good documentary now and then? But therein is the problem...trying to fill all that time on a shoestring. So what we have here is a non-stop compendium of just about any and all student produced films imaginable! Oh the horror! Some cover topics that COULD be interesting IF they had paid more attention to production values, which, being independant and non-sponsored and mostly done as a final for their Film Major, these little documentaries leave alot to be desired. I sat through what should have been an interesting history of the electric guitar, but alas, I was frustrated by the poor quality sound (ironic) and bland and most times barely audible narration. Damn shame, these kids interviewed alot of heavies in the music field and had some great vintage clips. But due to shitty post production, it suffered and made for a difficult time.
Not exactly how you wish to spend your down time....Hey, what's on A&E? This is crap.
I wish I could report that it was anomoly, but after flipping back over a few times this week, I see that that is pretty much the calibre of quality there....oh, well.

Now I do have just an inkling as to how all this works with satellite tv. These big dog companies, whether it be Dish or Direct, have to pay networks a certain fee to have their programming-just as we, the consumer, pay them for getting the channels.
So my question is: Do the combined fees for these 3 new channels equal what they would have to pay Fox for their one news service? I'd like to know.

I do know that Dish has recently undergone a tweaking of their service levels and that might explain the weirdness as of late. I had been at the bottom level. Now they have a new level...called the Family package or some such thing. It maybe called Family but it is primarily geared to kids-Nick, Discovery Kids channel, etc. For some reason they also offer a Chinese channel and a French language channel as well. It's about time! Damn, they finally listened to me! I don't know how many times I've sat there muttering: Y'know, this would be so much better if I could get PekingTV!
BUT the kicker with this new package is that the only news channel offered is...yep, Fox News!
So why, I ask, can you pay less, get less and get Fox, but if you pay more for more you get stuck with CNN as your only window on the world?
I don't get it.
Are they equating budget with elitism? If all you can afford is 20 bucks a month, well, obviously you're some sort of ig'nert trailer trash tryin' to make that welfare check stretch and you want something to keeps those annoying rugrats quiet while you finish up that latest batch of meth, so we'll give you what you deserve-that racist, biased bunch of rednecks over at Fox News. BUT all you who can afford "QUALITY" programming, we'll give you CNN, only because we know you can afford the Zoloft prescription you're gonna need after about watching 3 months of that that negative, unrelenting horror show.

They have put me in a tricky decision mode here. I could just go ahead and DOWNGRADE to the Family package, save about 20 bucks a month and get my beloved Fox News, but then I would lose A&E, History, TLC, Discovery and the other teeny tiny handful of channels I actually watch with my America's Top 60 or whatever they call it (75% of which consist of Shopping channels.) The kids would lose Disney and Cartoon Network (no great loss there!) and for the most part I find Nick to be absolutely abhorent for kid's programming. OY! I'm in a Kobayashi Maru scenario here...a no-win situation no matter how you look at it.

Oh, yeah...the fatwah...
I have no idea what the heck a fatwah is exactly. All I know is that some near god-like buffoon will issue one and then shit starts to happen. People die, crap gets blown up, folks go into hiding and maybe, just maybe they get the results they were wanting. The Islamic version of a toddler holding their breath 'til they turn blue when they don't get their own way.
So, I might as well try it. Come on, help me out here, people!
I just might get Fox News back.

Fellini Goes to the Olympics

The opening ceremonies for the Olympics, whether it be the Summer or Winter games are always very entertaining and over the top. An opportunity for the hosting country to let their freak flag fly, artistically. Most times the unfolding pageant has very little to do with the theme of sports and has (de) evolved into a barrage of brain and eye candy for the TV cameras.
Torino was no exception and unlike many whose opinions and reviews have panned it-I beg to differ. I was totally amused and entertained by it.
The cast for this extravaganza appeared to be culled from every Cirque de Solei wannabe out there.
We had demostrations of bizarre gymnastic feats and clever staging that left me wondering "How the heck did they do that?"

We had costuming that would make Frederico Fellini envious.(Come to think of it, the whole deal had a freaky surealistic flavor to it...just what we would expect from the Italians.Maybe that's why I liked it so much.)

There were creepy huge floating orbs representing the sun and the moon with way too realistic human faces painted on them.

Mega pyrotechnics. The flaming skater boys made me say out loud: "Kids, don't try this at home!"

We even had a Ferrari race car ripping doughnuts (DOUGHNUTS, PEOPLE!) right there, front and center in the stadium! Talk about the ultimate male wish fulfillment!
I'm still in awe of the timed fireworks...man, now that was cool to nth, but sadly it went too fast, but paradoxically-that is what made it cool!

The only thing that really made me go "Huh?" was the music selections for when the countries atheletes came marching in. Every big dance hit from the late 70's and 80's. (Oddly enough, mostly American music.)
KC & the Sunshine Band?
Donna Summers was way over represented.
The Doobie Brothers?
Too many tunes to name.But anyone over the age of 38 would readily recognize every one. But I did catch this strange choice-perhaps it was a happy accident- but it still made me chuckle:
The tune that was playing when Denmarks teams entered the stadium?
"(Oh, Lord)Please Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood".

Man, you can't make that stuff up!

...Just Keep Diggin' That Hole, Ahmed!!

Man, this just keeps gettin' weirder and weirder!
Gateway Pundit's on top of it.

(related story links o' plently at the bottom of the article for all you home players!)

Wisdom from the Great White North

I now respectfully take back any nasty or unkind thing I have ever said about Canadians...ever.
Fabulous op-ed in the Canadian Free Press!

Well, We saw This Coming up the Hudson, Didn't We?

Step 1) Invent an outrage.
Step 2) Whip the dumb, ig'nert mind numbed masses into a raging frenzy.
Step 3) Stage "protests", encourage massive property damage and mayhem. Set stuff on fire.
Step 4) Start blowing sh*t up.

They're getting "volunteers", people!

These folks really need to get in contact with a reputable P.R. firm...I don't think this is gonna sway the public into feeling their pain and outrage. Hasn't yet.

I once had a good friend, many years ago, who upon finishing a stint in the Air Force stationed in Saudi remark that we need to turn the whole damn area into a sheet of glass while we can.
I agreed with him then...still do now. Boy, Am I an ugly American or what?

Hey! Anyone got a can opener for Dub here?

One of the Phoney 3 BUSTED!

Well, you could knock me over with a feather! I'm shocked, I tell you, just shocked!
They've finally tracked down the original source for one of those 'value added' extra cartoon/pics that the Imams cooked up.
Come to find out that the "mohammed as a pig" photo is in fact just some guy hamming it up (pun intended) at a French Hog Calling contest!! It's an AP photo from a few years back.
( and us here in the Ozarks can totally relate to the hog calling reference.)

Blog diva, Michelle Malkin, is all over this and the whole Cartoon War like flies on crap. She's emerging as the the Go-to on this whole issue.

"I'm Rubber...You're Glue..."

"Iranian paper to run Holocaust cartoons

Muslim protesters infuriated by cartoons depicting the prophet Muhammad raised the diplomatic stakes last night as Iran's best-selling newspaper announced it would retaliate by running images satirising the Holocaust. "

Blah blah blah blaa blabla blah. Blah blah bla. Blaba blaha blah blah bla.
Blah!
Yawn....


(So does that mean WE get to set Iranian embassies on fire?)

Seriously, if you want to read more, here ya go: guardian.co.uk

" Kill da Wabbit...Kill da Wabbit..."

Hee-Hee-Heee!
One of my favorite funny guys, Mr. Ott, weighs in about the Cartoon Wars.

Curiouser and Curiouser...

Alright...I thought I had pretty much said all I was gonna say on the subject this weekend about the 'Cartoon Wars', but late last night after posting that link to zombietime a very telling tidbit came to light and this changes EVERYTHING.

Now the zombietime page is chockful of depictions of Mohhamed, through time and due to the heavy load of .jpegs, that page takes forever and a day to load. The most damning stuff is way down the page. And it just proves that the Danish media just might be completely INNOCENT of this offense- the 'special place in hell' will be reserved for the Islamic LEADERS themselves for FABRICATING EVIDENCE!!!

Apparently the original 'dirty dozen' of drawings weren't inflamatory enough...after all, it's been well over 5 months since these things came out in print, with nary a squeak from the Islamic world...so certain Imams decided to take some artistic license and up the ante, via a flyer with the original 12 and 3 more that any idiot could tell would in no way be published by ANY respected media outlet.
Zombietime has copies of the 3 in question. They are grainy, B&W, umpteenth generation Xerox, tacky, amatuer photos and one crude doodle. All look like the kind of stuff some horribly immature and disturbed 14 yr. old boy would have created. And any rational, intelligent human can clearly tell that these are not part of the original set.
These were included along with the 12 and ginned up to make it appear that these 3 were also published!!

So now we have our smoking gun...
I guess certain Imams needed a cause to rile up the drones, cuz crap wasn't happening fast enough, so they invented an outrage...or at least tried to make an outrage even more outrageous. And sadly, the poor dumb bastards that these idiots shepard have fallen for it hook, line and sinker and normal CIVILIZED humans are now paying the price.

I urge you, if you haven't already, to checkout zombietime's page... and be patient and let the whole dang thing load up. As I said, it's just about at the bottom of the page-wish I could link just to that spot, but I don't have that mojo.

Couldn't Have Said It Better Myself!

Blunt and straight to the point.
My favorite internet parody artist, Jay D. Dyson sums up this recent madness quite nicely:

"...Of course, many Muslim apologists insist that the outrage is over "blasphemous" depictions of Mohammed. But that charge rings hollow for one simple reason: if no drawings of Mohammed are ever allowed under Islamic law, then how the hell could any Muslim even recognize a "picture of the prophet" if they saw one? Do they mean to say if I draw a stick figure and put an arrow labelled "Mohammed" pointing at it, then I've broken a sacred Islamic law? What kind of horsecrap is that?

Ultimately, the real tragedy in all this is that the usual spineless "diplomatic" morons are going to take a page from the Neville Chamberlain playbook and seek to appease the Islamists and their fascist Imams by kowtowing to their terrorist demands in the name of "peace." If such a turn of events should come to pass, we have done nothing but sealed our own fate by legitimizing future Islamist terrorist tirades whenever they don't like something.

As Sir Winston Churchill so wisely noted in the 1930s, those who sacrifice honor for peace shall ultimately have neither. "



Amen, Brutha!!
And any quote that mentions my all time best Slinky-spine weeny, Chamberlain gets my vote, everytime.
Read the whole deal. (and check out the 'fresh meat'!)

UPDATE : Here's some more snackage for your noggin. Compliments of zombietime.

Small Mans Disease

...speaking of nutzo Middle Eastern men- I've got that yutz running Iran pegged now.
Got him all figured out.
There has been more footage of him lately on the tube since he's hellbent for totally global distruction, clips of him walking amongst his co-horts and other public apperances and now it's all wonderfully clear : he's short!
Everyone seen with him in these clips are easily a full head or so taller than him.
What we have here is a clear cut case of "Small Mans Disease".

SMD is a phrase that my late husband and I coined several years ago, after a long protracted dispute with his then boss. The guy was barely 5 foot 5 with cowboy boots on. And he was a complete insuffable ass. Full of his self importance and with a massive chip on his shoulder (or was that his head?) He was 'right' and everyone else was wrong and that's just how it was. How dare you question his intelligence?
However, he did eventually see the error of his ways through intimidation...just simply be the bigger bully and he caved like a house of cards.

This guy in Iran is just like him. Small Mans Disease, plain and simple.
He so fits the mold it's not even funny. Hitler was a short,twisted loser too, just for the record.
And both are/were bullies, hiding their inadequacies with power.
It's simple...we just have to be the bigger bully in this and the poor dumb bastard will go crying home to mommy...after soiling himself, of course.

Risky Business

In an act of solidarity with other blogs out there , we have decided to post one of the controversial "Mohammed" cartoons.





Well...ok, so that wasn't one of them. But IF he had been the evil potentate in some fictious Middle Eastern land as conceptualized by one of modern western civilizations biggest animation and entertainment conglomerates that's what he might have looked like I bet!
(Not too sure if Big Mo actually hung out with a parrot, though.)

Battle of the Titans : FlowBee vs. RoboCut

I need a haircut.
But I'm getting tired of the hassel of going to town and getting yet another bad haircut.
I could get a bad haircut at home and save myself about 15 bucks (not including gas $.)
So I went Yahooing to look up any haircut tips. (I'm boycotting Google...never did like them anyway, but don't get me started...)
In the midst of my search I got sidetracked.
Wow...they still make and sell Flowbees?
You remember the Flowbee, dontcha? That stalwart of late night infomercials from the 80's?
That hideously bizarre contraption that you hooked up to your vacuum cleaner and would give you a "professional stylists" cut like magic.
It's still around and they have gone 21st century by having their own website.
Sadly, the site looks as if it was made on a Commodore 64. Like the product it sells, it too, is hideously bizarre.

While engrossed in the delightful badness of this site I read some subtle jabs at another competing product- the Robo Cut. Naturally, this piqued my curiousity. I had to go look at their site as well.
They may be competitors but they clearly must use the same web designer. This was worse than the other site!
Just for fun, try this side by side comparison:
Go here
and then open another window and go here.
Compare the 2. Spooky ain't it? Both insanely bad in so many of the same ways.
And both use very awkward looking "models" to show off the product. Like these folks here:

Anyway, I totally forgot about my original mission and got lost in the peculiar world of these 2 products. After reading the Flowbee site, I got the feeling they really had a grudge for the RoboCut folks. But then after perusing the RoboCut site I saw that they sell Flowbees ! Hey? Whut up wit' that? I could not figure out what was going on here. The Robo site said they are not affliated with the makers of Flowbee and the Flowbee site had it in for Robo...a weird sort of sibling rivalry.
It was all very confusing and odd.
...and I still haven't figured out how to cut my own hair.

WWJBD?

This list is being bandied about the blogs and since I too dig "24" I have to pass this on. Even if you don't watch the show, it's still a hoot to read!
Some of it might be too randy or crude...you've been warned.
"Facts About Jack Bauer"

My personal favorite?
"If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together,
Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out."

Happy Groundhog Day!

Puxatany Phil is full of it.
P.R. hype.
Every year they say the same dang thing...HE SAW HIS SHADOW!
Well, duh!!
When you got about a gazillion bright lights focused on you for the cameras in predawn murkiness-OF COURSE YOU WILL CAST A SHADOW!

I pay attention to the Ozark whistle pigs.
They have their act together. Now these guys are never wrong.
According to my crack team of experts in the backyard, out behind the barn, our winter is for the most part-over.
But then again it never really had begun. This has got to be one of the oddest winters in my 20 years here.

However, my equally reliable persimmon pit prognosticator indicates heavy snow and ice...but they don't say when. It could be anytime between now and April.
So we could have one last hurrah before it's all said and done.
I can clearly recall a St. Patrick's Day when we got close to 2 feet of snow!
And snow in April is not unheard of in these parts.

In a totally unrelated vein, I finally managed to catch something on fire in my microwave last night. I had always heard of that sorta thing happening, but had never experienced it first hand. And as those kinda things always are...it was a stupid mistake.
Whenever we leave the house for any length of time we keep the doggies inside. They chase cars and are generally a nuisance, so we keep them in to spare any mayhem.
One of them suffers from a dab of anxiety and takes it out by tearing up anything he can get a hold of. So, we put the kitchen trash up out of reach and any items on top of the microwave get stashed inside the micro. This includes boxes of popcorn, a can of grits and in this case, a half full bag of rice.

Once we got home last night I wanted a late din-din, so I reheated some homemade chicken & noodles. Had to take all the stuff out of the microwave first-popcorn, grits...ok we're good. Pop in the bowl and hit the button. Went off to do other stuff.
Microwave beeps.
Got the bowl out, it's not really hot, but warm enough.
But after a minute or 2 I kept smelling something burning...a nasty plasticky smell.
Where the heck is that coming from??

I'm wandering around the house, bowl in hand, sniffing deeply, trying to locate the source. WTH??!
It's in the kitchen...but where?
Go to the microwave...open the door...OH CRAP!!!!
Way in the back was that little wadded up bag of rice, flaming brightly!
I blew it out, took out the glass turntable thingy and dumped the contents into the sink. Yuck.
I have to admit I was laughing during all this.
But my worrywort Mom side was internally scolding me. Yes, yes-I know, it could have been far worse. Yes, I know I should have been paying more attention-shut up,please.
Man, burnt rice stinks!
And my eldest kid remarked that burnt rice grains look amazingly like mouse poop.
(Hmmmm, maybe we should salvage some of it...April Fool's Day is coming up!)